Nocturnal Realisations
by Kalearel
Summary: Sometimes whilst asleep thoughts and emotions become clearer. For the sleeper perhaps, but mainly for the woman watching him.
1. Unknown

Trinity glanced at the code flowing down the screen one last time before jacking in. No one was looking, so she allowed herself the luxury of a small smile. This coppertop fascinated her, but she was not about to let anyone else know that. Anyway, if they asked her what amused her, she would have difficulty in explaining it.  
  
He was asleep.  
  
Stretched out in front of his computer, music beating in his ears. Asleep to both his non-reality and reality. And they would wake him. More correctly, she would.  
  
Tonight was when they would begin the contact. When discussing who would do it, most of the others had been adamant it would be her task. After all physical attraction was probably the quickest way to catch the attention of such a loner.  
  
Her smile widened slightly as she remembered the discussion around the mess table. Mouse had been convinced Neo, well, went for the guys, and had been as quick to say so. He'd even suggested that Cypher really should be the one to take tonight's mission. Switch in her sarcastic way started berating him, that just because someone lived alone and didn't need to bring someone home every other night did not make them gay. It just meant they were past being a hormone crazed teenager.  
  
Dozer, ever thoughtful, interjected that he had just been alone so long, wrapped up in his computer world that he had forgotten about socialising in any respect.  
  
Apoc agreed. He too had been unplugged late, though not as much as this target, and explained that the search for truth, for the answer to the question became the only thing necessary in life. Sex or even companionship didn't seem so important any more. Any social interaction just became an irritation, a distraction. That's why someone really stunning needed to go in and rouse him, he ended, grinning at Trinity.  
  
It had looked as if Switch was going to slap him, but before anything like that could happen, Morpheus came in to hand out new orders. Trinity was left feeling slightly disturbed by the whole discussion.  
  
She stopped smiling then. She knew that she would fall in love with this man if he was the One, if the prophecy was true. She was not even sure about that, though she still had more faith in it than the rest of the crew, bar Morpheus. They found it hard to go on believing after having seen the other possibilities dying. She believed more because she had not loved them.  
  
Now she was losing her belief. She did not know if she was capable of love. She had become so hard, afraid of feeling anything much for anyone in case she was hurt. Perhaps waiting for someone, for a fairy tale prince, had stopped her from acknowledging true emotions. Perhaps it was the loss of so many crewmembers through their belief that they were something they were not. Perhaps she really just was the ice queen, that the other soldiers didn't know that she knew they called her.  
  
Anyway, she was worried she wouldn't be able to love the one. And if it was this man, so isolated and awkward, she didn't know how she would be attracted to him. She was fascinated, but to be able to love him would require some warmth on his part.  
  
He's also asleep sexually.  
  
Morpheus came up behind her. "Are you ready?"  
  
She turned and nodded. She knew what to do.  
  
With your message waken him to consciousness.  
  
With your words waken him to reality.  
  
With your appearance waken him to you.  
  
"You know what you're gonna do Trin?" Tank asked.  
  
"Yes, jack me in."  
  
Wake up, Neo... 


	2. Unplugged

She was left alone with him, not that he could tell. The others had all had to leave, Tank and Dozer to fly the Neb, the others to the guns, and Morpheus to the core to co-ordinate operations. After someone was unplugged, it usually didn't take the Machines long to despatch the Squiddies to destroy the rescuing ship.  
  
It was Zion protocol that two ships were present at an unplugging, one to do the rescuing and the other to defend from attack. This mission did not follow Zion protocol in any way, though. Locke and most of the Council would never have consented to unplugging Neo, given his age. The whole operation was illegal, and known only to this one crew. That meant the Nebuchadnezzar was alone.  
  
Trinity ran the warm, damp cloth across his body. She had been left to clean him up before they could start rebuilding his muscles. He needed that done urgently. She had never seen anyone unplugged in such a bad state before. Perhaps it was for physical reasons, as well as mental and emotional, that Zion had the age limit on unplugging. She hoped that they would have good enough equipment on the Neb to save him. Zion of course would have, but Morpheus did not want to bring him there, not yet.  
  
She tried to place how she was feeling at the minute. Worry, she decided. She really wanted this one to pull through. Her fascination with him had increased. She was not totally attracted to him yet, but the possibility was there. She felt curiosity about him rather than anything else.  
  
That still didn't explain her restlessness after meeting him for the first time.  
  
She finished drying him off with a soft, new towel. Luxury. Covering him with a clean blanket, she crossed her arms across her chest and started to think.  
  
When she had seen him at that club, he had been in the shadows at the far side. From the way he had been standing, he seemed defensive, antisocial. Maybe even angry that he had been dragged out, away from his computer and searches, for seemingly nothing.  
  
Then she had approached him, and had seen his eyes. They were too trusting and innocent. After that, her desire to be close to him whilst speaking stemmed from more than the need to play a part to anyone who might be watching. That had unsettled her.  
  
What served to unsettle her even more was Neo's trust in her. Normally newbies warmed to her last of all the crew. That was her fault, she knew, with her aloof nature. Yet the only thing that brought Neo back into the car was asking him to trust her. She hoped that Cypher, Switch and Apoc had not realised she had used a more personal form than her usual "You have to trust us."  
  
There were other little things too. She tried to ignore, but couldn't, the way he had seemed to cling to her as the only truth during his unplugging. The turmoil she had felt from that, however, had faded to nothing, compared to the event of only half an hour ago. She had seen into his dark brown, real world eyes.  
  
Welcome to the Real World. It could have been addressed to her.  
  
Her Matrix mother had always said that to her, after she came down from her computer. She hadn't approved of the length of time her daughter spent there, away from everybody else. She had worried about her declining social life, her health. The irony had been that the computer was the link to reality. Now Trinity realised her mother had to some extent been right. People, interaction, were important to reality. One glance into Neo's eyes had shown her that she had been shutting everyone else out. One glance, and she began to awake to feel more for those around her.  
  
Morpheus came in just then. "We've done it, Trinity. We've found him."  
  
"I hope you're right."  
  
"I don't have to hope. I know it."  
  
She wished she could too. 


	3. Unsure

AN - Sorry it has taken so long to update. What with work, holidays, getting ready for Uni, I haven't had time!! Well, chapter 3 is now here for you to enjoy.

* * *

What was she doing here?

She felt foolish, weak. She was spending far too much time thinking about this man. She looked down at the tray in her hands then at the door. She made up her mind. She had come so far now. If she turned back it would look far too suspicious to her crewmates. She pushed it open.

As she had thought, well hoped, even, he was unconscious to the world. After ten hours training, sparring with Morpheus, then a go at the jump programme, albeit an unsuccessful try, he could hardly have been anything else.

She was frustrated. She had rushed out eagerly enough to see him sparring. After seeing him fail that jump, however, she had been disappointed, upset almost. It was as if she was starting to believe in him. She was unsure if she was ready for what that would mean. Ready to share all her feelings, her insecurities, all herself with someone else.

Today had shown her that she was unable to do it. She couldn't show emotion to anyone. Her need to hide after Neo's fall, had stemmed from embarrassment in showing anyone any of her vulnerabilities.

She wished she could talk to someone, she needed to clear her head...Ghost. She would email him. He was the only one she could show her true feelings to without worry...

No she wouldn't. This was one thing she couldn't share with her brother. She had never even told him about what the Oracle had said. How could you explain that in an email? Was it even safe to email that information to a ship with the most gossipy Operator of the fleet? Anyway, her suspicions about what she was, or had at one point been, in Ghost's affections were enough to prevent her from perhaps hurting him by such a thing. Especially when it might come to nothing. She had to work it out for herself.

She set the tray down on the floor and looked at it before turning to face him, the innocent cause of her turmoil. She couldn't feel annoyed with him, lying there still fully clothed, exhausted with the novelty of everything, and the strain of doing anything. He was so new, so open and honest in his aspect that it unnerved her. Crossing her arms across her chest she suppressed a sigh, worried that even that small sound might disturb him.

She wished she knew how he felt. That it might somehow make it easier for her to know what to do. She knew he trusted her, liked her even. He would come to her and ask her about things on the ship, because he knew she would answer and wouldn't laugh, and she didn't have the same charismatic zeal and authority that sometimes made Morpheus seem inaccessible. She was the one he had seemed to link to, yet she felt he was somewhat in awe of her, too full of fear and respect for their friendship to develop on even terms. Was her attitude towards him perhaps encouraging that?

Bringing him dinner...

It was like what a mother would do for her child, off sick from school for a day. But instead of the plain piece of white bread and glass of flat coke, all Trinity could bring to him was the unappetising goop and a cup of bitter, metallic water.

Her main worry was that tasks like this, the care she showed Neo, could almost seem maternal to his newly reborn thoughts and senses. She did not want that.

This train of thought led to more confusion as to her own feelings. She physically cared for Neo like some of the ten-year-old prodigies they unplugged and he was a man of, about five, seven years her senior. Love required respect, and she didn't see respect in realising the child-like traits of the man.

She breathed in and the air caught in her throat, as she could almost taste his scent. She dismissed the previous thoughts. She could and did feel something for him, something as she a woman and he a man. Attraction.

Caring for someone, after all was a main part of loving them. And Neo's helplessness was a wonderful unique part of him. "Girls were made to look after boys". She remembered the line from a childhood story, with a slight smile.

She could look after Neo, and that would allow her to love him. Her independence could not be harmed by him, as it would by someone much more sure of himself. Because he was so unsure, perhaps he would comprehend how unsure and scared she was, when she decided to tell him how she felt.

But not now. This understanding was too new, too untested. It might be something that wouldn't last the night, that would crumble under the alert rationality of morning after a night's rest. This was the wrong time to let him know, to commit herself to anything.

Silently cursing her cowardice, she left and let him sleep.


End file.
